Love & Fear

Having dinner with a friend last night and she said, “People act either out of love or fear.”  She said she learned this at a Santana concert, but I have been thinking about it ever since.  If this is true, maybe we should watch our actions and discern whether we are acting out of love or fear in challenging moments.  I think of how I can have so much patience for other people’s children.  Then my own child starts crying or stomping and I am immediately frustrated.  Am I acting our of love or fear?  Usually, fear.  I think if I give in, I will create a spoiled / selfish / defiant  child.  I no longer see him as a child who might be afraid or need me to give him love.  I become fearful that I am a bad parent or he wouldn’t act this way.  I am not saying this is what sticks, but this is the initial reaction.  If I stop the cycle of thinking, I remember that compassion is often the key.  If I stop, take a breath, and speak with my child, we get to the heart of the problem.  It really wasn’t that his socks were all itchy or the tag in his shirt was bugging him, it is that there will be a fire drill at school and loud noises upset him.  This is just one example.  Taking the time to remove myself from the fearful state, I am able to open my heart and see my son for who he is behind the tears and whining.

For the rest of the week, watch your interactions with others.  Are they based on love or fear?  If they are based in fear, what can you do to change that?  How do people react to you in those moments?  If your actions are loving and kind, notice how it makes you feel and how it affects those around you.  If your actions are compassionate and loving, keep it up.  It is exactly what this world needs.

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Why Yoga?

What brings you to your mat? This may be too personal for some, but I thought it may show us how connected we truly are.

I first tried yoga when I was younger and my mom had this 1970s record. It was hot pink with a woman in a black leotard named Claire Stern. On the record she would talk you through the class and you could look at the jacket inside the record to have a visual reference. I remember in 7th grade, giggling with my friends as we tried to rest in savasana. Little did I know what an impact it would have on me 20 years later.

liz, max and brian

Why I practice yoga now is a bit different. Now I feel like it is not an option. I get on my mat for several reasons. I have always struggled with anxiety and perfectionism. Why do something if it can’t be perfect? When I discovered Max’s classes, all that left me. Finally, I knew what it was like to have a mind that would rest peacefully. The inner critic was gone (at least most of the time). I left yoga for a period of time after Henry’s birth. Then I saw how much I needed yoga. It took an acupuncturist and daily yoga practice to get me out of some pretty awful habits of mind. Since then, my habits of mind stay relatively even keeled. My yoga practice keeps me very well tuned in. Now, if I feel those thoughts spiraling in, I know I need to slow down and practice more.

One further reason that I practice yoga is that it makes me a better mother. Before reacting when Henry is whining for the 100th time about not having dessert, I can take a deep breath and speak calmly (most of the time). When Claire has me up at 5:30 in the morning to eat, I can look at her with gratitude and treasure the quiet moment we share together. Mother Teresa says the most important thing we can do is love our children since they are our future. If this is true, my time away from my kids doing yoga could, in fact, be making our world a better place.

In the words of Max, “May our practice serve to heal us and all those we touch in our lives.” So, now it is your turn… Why do you yoga?

You may also enjoy this You Tube video of Max as the keynote speaker at a yoga conference in Malaysia- it is called “Why Yoga?”  Click here for the video.

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Life Changes

katherine and her son

Last month in one of Liz’s Sunday Karma classes, she guided us in a powerful and heart-centered meditation.  She asked us to think of a specific moment when we knew our lives would be different, a moment when we knew our lives had changed for the better.  She asked us to feel those feelings again and stay with the emotions as we dropped the storyline from our minds.  This was the second time I’d been led through this practice with Liz.  The first time, about a year ago, tears fell down my cheeks as I relived the birth of my oldest son – I was flooded with many deep emotions: the joy of meeting my first child, the relief that he was healthy and safe and the excited anticipation that accompanies parenthood.  Undoubtedly, becoming a mother changed my life for the better.

In this particular practice, however, one year later, the first thing that came to mind was the decision to join the North Main Yoga Teacher Training program; that is, the decision to fully commit myself to an authentic yoga practice.  Doing so meant that I was committing to travel on that not-at-all-easy path of self-examination.  Doing so meant that I was committing to actively uncover and heal what was covering my heart.  Doing so meant that I was committing to do my best to live by a well-defined ethical code.  Doing so meant that I was committing to follow my inner calling to help people in the way that I’d been helped.  As all of this flashed in my mind during the meditation, I was even more overwhelmed by emotion than the first time.  Why, one might ask, would a decision such as this rise above first time parenthood in life-changing importance?  Because looking back, I realized that was the exact moment when I chose to become a better person, a better mother.

When did your life change for the better?  Did “Life” change you or did you change your life?  Or both?

from Katherine one of our friends and teachers

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Random Acts of Yoga

Practicing yoga for two hours everyday  would benefit everyone but we allow our lives to be over run with our jobs, children, marriage, social gathering, swim team, church and all of the other things we prioritize into our day.  Who has time for yoga?  Yoga is much more than postures to stretch and strengthen the body.  I do enjoy this aspect of yoga very much, but elongating my hamstrings has not helped me resolve any issues with my wife or create a bond with the kids.  Practicing the postures is a excellent way to learn to let go of what we don’t need.

brian's yoga

I take my two year old grocery shopping with me 2-3 times a week.  Noticing how some parents try to control their kids at the store I vowed not to do that.  Neither the kids or Moms were happy.  My girl decides if she walks or rides in the cart.  Mostly she walks\runs.  I give her free reign of the place.  She stays close and we play the “What’s this Daddy?” game.  I see the faces of the employees light up when Claire comes running into their department.  So far no bites out of produce, no broken eggs, no tantrums over cookie purchases or opened pop tarts.  Every morning Claire tells me she wants to go to the grocery store.  When we get into the car she tells me “Daddy, I want rock & roll.”  We rock out and have a blast.

I’ve been practicing yoga postures for 13 years and no matter how deep or intense I’ve ever gone I never get the blissful feelings I get shopping and bonding with Claire.  This is living your yoga.

Posted by Brian

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