Grief & Gratitude

by Laura A. Garren

I just lost my best friend. My 10-year old dog Scamp sickened suddenly and died the next day, despite extreme veterinary intervention. The cause turned out to be a ruptured gall bladder secondary to cancer, which had spread to her lungs. She had shown no signs until the day of the crisis; she ate her breakfast, but then just didn’t seem well, so we went to the vet. She died the next evening.

While I am hurting so very much over her death, and I miss her terribly, I have noticed a change in myself during this grief process. In the past, when I have lost a loved one—human or animal—I was practically incapacitated. Somehow, I have been able, this time, to view my loss from a different perspective. I feel sad, and experience an occasional gust of tears; but I am not beating my breast and cursing the universe for depriving me of my dog. Instead, I realize that Scamp was a gift. I don’t know what I did to deserve her, but I will be forever thankful that she was in my life for 10 years, which now seem so brief.

As I have been processing my loss, I have looked back on others and been able to reframe them. My father died when I was 19, and for years, for decades, I felt angry and cheated. I still fight those feelings, but I tell myself I was fortunate beyond imagining to have had such a good Daddy, which he was. I lost my beloved dog, Sufi, who died suddenly of a cancer-induced illness at the age of four in 2004. Because of her youth, I was especially traumatized, and raged against the unfairness of her death. Now I see that I was so very lucky to have had Sufi—one of the sweetest dogs I ever met—even for so brief a time.

Scampie

I have lost many other family members and friends, human and animal. I look back on them all now with love and gratitude for having been in my life. I like to imagine them all together somewhere, waiting for me. I’m not sure I believe in an afterlife, but I like to think that when I die, the first face I see will be the impish little face of my beloved Scampie.

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Daily Meditations

This year as you embark upon another list of resolutions, intentions, or even vowing to stay exactly the same; you may want to consider adding some type of daily reading into your life.  In 1997 I was given a book called “Simple Abundance” by Sara Ban Breathnach.  This was a reading each day with a quote on top and it came with a companion “Gratitude Journal.”  I had never seen anything like this.  It was one of those gifts that changed my life.  I read that book every day for 2 years.  The third year I found a companion book in the series.  I followed every meditation she offered.  It was in 1997 that I began the practice of gratitude.  Fifteen years later I have fifteen journals full of my “gratefuls.”  These books are ones that I cherish.  There is even a Men’s Simple Abundance with articles written by Sting and Gary Zukov (just in case the original version is a bit too feminine for your taste).

Today I was at lunch with Katherine and some friends and as she went to pay, she pulled a book out of her purse.  This was her daily meditation book.  Hers was called “A Soul’s Companion.”  Just the title sounded inspiring to me and reminded me to bring my daily meditations back into practice.

My point is this… Pick a book.  It can be one that starts on January 1st or a book that has shorter chapters.  Read something each day that inspires you to step outside your comfort zone, something that helps you get through the layers to find out who you are, something that makes you think.  Below is a list of books that have inspired me.  Please comment below to add your favorites.  You can never have too many good books waiting to be read.

Simple Abundance by Sara Ban Breathnach (all variations are great)

In the Face of Fear compilation by Shambala Press

Living Your Yoga by Judith Lasater (she has a daily meditation one and a chapter book; both great!)

A Life Worth Breathing by Max Strom

 

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Gratitude

Max, our teacher, speaks often of gratitude saying it is the most easily accessible at any given time.  He teaches us that you can always find something to be grateful for, even on your darkest day.  This is often a tool we use for meditations in our yoga classes.  Adopting the mindset of gratitude can change one’s point of view from negative to positive in an instant.

I was first introduced to the concept in 1997 when a family member gave me a book and a journal titled “Simple Abundance” by Sara Ban Breathnach.  Her approach was simple, find five things you are grateful for each day and write them down.   This has stayed with me all of these years and I have 13 gratitude journals full of life’s little gifts.  Brian started one 2 years ago and I cannot tell you the changes I have seen in him.  We even bought a special journal for Henry.  Our task at night is to come up with three special things about the day- his “gratefuls”.  At first it took a long time, but now he can come up with them easily.  I challenge you to do the same.  Start your own gratitude journal and notice what happens.

deli & liz

Here are my “gratefuls” for today:

1. Happy children
2. 8 years of marriage today
3. A good friend who remembers the little things
4. My husband helping me with my homework
5. Celebrating the Summer solstice with an evening swim

What are you grateful for today?  If you can’t think of anything, look a little deeper and remember it is often the little things that carry us far.

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