Grief & Gratitude

by Laura A. Garren

I just lost my best friend. My 10-year old dog Scamp sickened suddenly and died the next day, despite extreme veterinary intervention. The cause turned out to be a ruptured gall bladder secondary to cancer, which had spread to her lungs. She had shown no signs until the day of the crisis; she ate her breakfast, but then just didn’t seem well, so we went to the vet. She died the next evening.

While I am hurting so very much over her death, and I miss her terribly, I have noticed a change in myself during this grief process. In the past, when I have lost a loved one—human or animal—I was practically incapacitated. Somehow, I have been able, this time, to view my loss from a different perspective. I feel sad, and experience an occasional gust of tears; but I am not beating my breast and cursing the universe for depriving me of my dog. Instead, I realize that Scamp was a gift. I don’t know what I did to deserve her, but I will be forever thankful that she was in my life for 10 years, which now seem so brief.

As I have been processing my loss, I have looked back on others and been able to reframe them. My father died when I was 19, and for years, for decades, I felt angry and cheated. I still fight those feelings, but I tell myself I was fortunate beyond imagining to have had such a good Daddy, which he was. I lost my beloved dog, Sufi, who died suddenly of a cancer-induced illness at the age of four in 2004. Because of her youth, I was especially traumatized, and raged against the unfairness of her death. Now I see that I was so very lucky to have had Sufi—one of the sweetest dogs I ever met—even for so brief a time.

Scampie

I have lost many other family members and friends, human and animal. I look back on them all now with love and gratitude for having been in my life. I like to imagine them all together somewhere, waiting for me. I’m not sure I believe in an afterlife, but I like to think that when I die, the first face I see will be the impish little face of my beloved Scampie.

Live Like an Exclamation Point

I found this blog on Lululemon’s website and I loved it… This 79 year old yoga teacher said one of our biggest problems is how we stand.  She says we often stand as if we were question marks, when really we need to be exclamation points!  Think about what your posture says about you and what you want to share with the world.  Think about what your face says to the world around you.  We speak volumes without ever saying a word.  Today, stand and live like an exclamation point.  People may take notice and it may just change your yoga practice as well.

Read the original blog here:  Yoga Knows No Age

Being Content

This was written by one of our teacher trainees… I felt her words were so universal I couldn’t help but share.  Their assignment was to write a page on how they practice being content and one page on how they could improve being content in their own lives.  This type of self-inquiry is invaluable on the spiritual path.  Try it and see what you find out about yourself.

I spent one of our training weekends sidelined on the couch recovering from an illness. I was able to sit down with my books and dive into my training manual and do some reading. I found that the book I was reading was leading me on a quest for more information and more and more… After a few hours of the tailspin, I didn’t have clear answer for what I was searching for and just had more questions. I was frustrated and overwhelmed. I emailed Liz and basically said, “There is so much to know- where do I start?”

While I was waiting for Liz to answer, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that the answer about what I NEED is right here… in me. While there *IS* so much to know, in order to be truly content, I need to learn to trust myself in order to know where to begin. Yes- I want it all of that priceless information NOW but that is unrealistic. Instead of spinning my wheels and getting nowhere fast, I need to figure out what I need for that day or that moment.

During this teacher training, I have learned so much more than I ever began to imagine. I started to uncover the real me… the one that had been suppressed for many years.  I began to see  how I am driven by fear, how I don’t trust my intuition, how I perceive other people, and how I keep replaying the same story-line over and over in my head.  I always wondered why I would get so far into a book or meditation and either stop or get “busy” and not finish. At first I thought I may have ADD but now I believe that I was afraid that the words on the page would touch that sensitive place inside me that I had not allowed myself to feel in many years. By deepening my practice and deepening my studies, I began to see that there is much work to be done on the INSIDE. In order to find true contentment, I need to find the courage to work through the un-shiny stuff so I can face the person in the mirror who is the REAL me and be proud of the person I am becoming- I believe this will make me the most content I could ever possibly be.

Time to Evolve

There is no timeline for spiritual growth.  There is no right or wrong way to grow.  There is no set place to end up… At timesI think back to my twenty year old self and am completely embarrassed.  The choices I made.  The friends I hurt.  I cannot believe I am the same person.  I think of how judgmental I was of my friends and loved ones that surrounded me.  Fast forward to my thirties.  At this point I was a bit less judgmental, a lot more compassionate, and much less self-assured.  And then I had (as Brene Brown calls is) a breakdown spiritual awakening.  I spent a year being incredibly hard on myself, disconnected and afraid.  That year led to growth beyond my imagination.  Now I sit, content.  I feel rooted, connected, seen and heard.  I feel grateful.  I know I still have room to grow, but I like who I am now and that makes me like those around me even more.

My point is this… We cannot set a timeline for our own spiritual growth or for the growth of others.  For some it will be years of hard work and practice.  For others they seem awakened from the start.  And others seem to be stuck, working for years and one day wake up a new person.  Take time when you begin to judge others and their growth.  Be patient and know that someone was patient with you once as well.  That patience and understanding may be just what you or your friend needs to be brave and open to new possibilities.

Yoga: Where to Begin

Maybe you are already a practitioner of yoga who has friends who want to take yoga… Maybe you are thinking about yoga, but aren’t sure how to begin.  Here are a few thoughts on how to create a practice that lasts:

First, pick a time of day and day of the week that is conducive to your schedule.

Second, try all the teachers and yoga schools that have classes at that time.

Third, find a class and teacher that meets your needs- physically, energetically or emotionally.  You may find that  you need one teacher on one day and a different teacher another day.

Fourth, show up.  Getting on the mat is the hardest part.  Once you get on your mat, the rest is easy.

 

Here are Caroline’s tips for anyone who is new to yoga.  I loved them so much I added them to our website:

What should I wear? We have no mirrors in our yoga spaces so don’t worry about what you look like. Wear comfortable clothes like what you would wear to an exercise class. Yoga is done barefoot, so no shoes required. 

What do I need? We have everything you need at each studio. You will want to eventually buy your own yoga mat for hygienic reasons. 

What do I do? Arrive a five to ten minutes before the class start time. Tell the teacher if you have any physical challenges or injuries and that this is your first class, or first in a long time. Pick up a mat if you didn’t bring one, and roll out your mat in the studio. Lie down or sit and become quiet. 

What do I do with my things? Shoes and personal belongings are left in the cubicles outside. This action represents leaving all your baggage outside the yoga space. 

What happens when the class does something I can’t do? Ask the teacher to adapt the pose for you. There are 840,000 different poses. There is always a variation you can do. If you get over-tired or feel over your head, you can always come out of a pose and rest. 

What is the word people say at the end of class? At the end of class, we close with the word “Namaste.” Namaste, simply translates as “I see.” It can also mean “the divine in me sees and recognizes the divine in you”. It is a traditional greeting used in India even today. It is a way to remind us of our connection to one another. 

Why should I start yoga? You can ask 10 yoga students and get multiple answers. Strength, peace of mind, flexibility, overcoming physical challenges, better sleep. But most of all – its fun. They only way you will know is come to a class and try it. 

 

 

Whether you are a new or returning student, we hope to see you soon.
Namaste,

Liz & the Greenville Yoga Family 

Daily Meditations

This year as you embark upon another list of resolutions, intentions, or even vowing to stay exactly the same; you may want to consider adding some type of daily reading into your life.  In 1997 I was given a book called “Simple Abundance” by Sara Ban Breathnach.  This was a reading each day with a quote on top and it came with a companion “Gratitude Journal.”  I had never seen anything like this.  It was one of those gifts that changed my life.  I read that book every day for 2 years.  The third year I found a companion book in the series.  I followed every meditation she offered.  It was in 1997 that I began the practice of gratitude.  Fifteen years later I have fifteen journals full of my “gratefuls.”  These books are ones that I cherish.  There is even a Men’s Simple Abundance with articles written by Sting and Gary Zukov (just in case the original version is a bit too feminine for your taste).

Today I was at lunch with Katherine and some friends and as she went to pay, she pulled a book out of her purse.  This was her daily meditation book.  Hers was called “A Soul’s Companion.”  Just the title sounded inspiring to me and reminded me to bring my daily meditations back into practice.

My point is this… Pick a book.  It can be one that starts on January 1st or a book that has shorter chapters.  Read something each day that inspires you to step outside your comfort zone, something that helps you get through the layers to find out who you are, something that makes you think.  Below is a list of books that have inspired me.  Please comment below to add your favorites.  You can never have too many good books waiting to be read.

Simple Abundance by Sara Ban Breathnach (all variations are great)

In the Face of Fear compilation by Shambala Press

Living Your Yoga by Judith Lasater (she has a daily meditation one and a chapter book; both great!)

A Life Worth Breathing by Max Strom

 

True Compassion

I am reading one of my new favorite books- “Beyond Religion:  Ethics for a Whole World” by His Holiness the Dalai Lama.  I am a strong believer in ethics and was delighted when I saw the title in the book store.  This book has been even more than I bargained for.  It has opened my eyes and helped me understand the urgent need for ethics and compassion in our world.

The part of this book that has really helped me is this- when speaking of compassion, we separate the actions from the person.  In the words of the Dalai Lama, “Compassion is directed not toward actions, but toward the actor.  Compassion demands that we condemn wrong actions and oppose them with all means necessary, while at the same time forgiving and maintaining an attitude of kindness toward the perpetrators of those actions.”

This helped me greatly.  I believe in compassion and work to be compassionate in most circumstances.  I really have struggled in certain moments, wondering how I am supposed to offer this person compassion (especially the ones who have hurt me).  This simple premise has unlocked the key to compassion in my heart.  Now I know in the face of being hurt, I can still send compassion and lovingkindness to the person in front of me regardless of their actions.  I can witness their suffering, send silent prayers their way, but not accept the behavior or action.  True compassion does not mean being a door mat or suffering silently; it does mean setting boundaries, speaking clearly, knowing people can change, and sending love and kindness to everyone regardless of their actions.

Declining a Christmas Pity Party

The following is an article by Laura Garren.  I love her honesty and hope it helps you however you feel today.  Happy Holy Days to each of you and Namaste…

by Laura A. Garren

            I must admit that I do not enjoy Christmas, as interpreted by popular culture and the advertising media. Furthermore, I mildly resent the aggressive cheerfulness that’s forced upon me this time of year. “Have a Merry Christmas!” people insist. My parents are dead, I have no children, and my husband is disabled. Christmas, for me, has historically not been a time good cheer but of bittersweet nostalgia.

            To avoid being labeled a scrooge, I will state that I do not begrudge anyone else their Christmas spirit, and I smile and return any Christmas greetings I receive.  I feel Charlie Brownish about the whole commercial aspect, but I try to keep my views to myself (with the present exclusion), and I decline to participate. Since I made the decision, many years ago, not to rush around in a panic at the mall trying to find the right gifts, I admit Christmas became a lot more pleasant for me.

            Then my mother died, and eight months later my husband Chuck suffered a stroke. Four Christmases have passed since, and they were pretty unpleasant. Everyone, or so it seemed, was happy but I. I indulged in a private Christmas Pity Party.

            This year, I feel differently. I turned a corner in 2011, when I decided I was going to let go of wanting life to be different. I accepted Chuck’s condition and my role as his caretaker. Then I set about doing positive things for myself that I hoped would engender positive feelings: I began writing again and I started practicing yoga.

My decision primed a well of positive outcomes, including increased physical, emotional, mental and spiritual wellbeing. I have a sense of equilibrium that I have lacked, or never had, that enables me to stand apart from the Christmas chaos. I don’t feel left out or depressed this year. For the first time in my life, I declined to attend the annual Christmas Pity Party. I won’t say I’m jolly, but at least I won’t be sitting in the dark, sipping another drink, feeling sorry for myself.

Through a Child’s Eyes

This is from Sara Vaughn, yoga student & teacher trainee at Greenville Yoga.  A great reminder…

I was sitting in car line waiting to pick up my children from a Christmas party day camp and wondering should I go in to the building or wait in car line.  I sit quietly and observe the car in front of me just parked and abandoned.  Then, I hear an excited voice of a child loaded down with all kinds of ornaments, crafts, goodies etc from the camp and the mom is hurrying him to the car that is in front of me.

I notice the hurriedness and how it contrasts to the boy’s excitement about what he wants to tell his Mom and wants her to listen.  She seems to just want to get him in the car and get to her next destination. I look at the scene and think what a shame she doesn’t stop just a little and look at what he made and listen to him.  Then I am reminded that I too have done this sort of thing saying “later honey” when a phone call or looking at email or preparing dinner or whatever seems more important than listening to my child.

In that moment, a voice softly whispers to me that I should get out of my car and get my children and look them in the eye and hug them and ooh and aah over their creations and listen with my whole body and mind to what they want to tell me about their experiences today.  I am thankful I got this reminder before I picked up my kids so I could truly enjoy the present moment with them and enjoy it fully.  Wouldn’t that be nice if we got more of these reminders before we are about to experience something? Then we could truly experience all the joy of it.  I’m thankful for yoga because it does prepare my mind and body to experience the splendour of life.

Same, Better, Worse?

This is a question we ask our students after giving an adjustment or alternative pose in class- same, better, worse?  I started thinking about this and how important this question is in all yoga practices.  Does your yoga help you to be the same, better or worse?  With any luck, your yoga practice should help you feel a bit better each time.

I am not speaking here on a purely physical level (although that is a side effect of yoga), but of an emotional and spiritual level as well.  Each time you take a class ask yourself- same, better, worse?  If you feel worse after a particular class take the time to figure out what it is that isn’t working for you and find a class that makes you feel better.  Your practice should be one that builds you up, not exhausts you completely.  Yoga is about finding balance inside and out.  Finding out who you are, the possibilities that lie ahead, seeing clearly the past you’ve left behind.  Yoga can be hard work some days and so refreshing others.  At the end of the day, week, month or year; take the time and ask yourself, “After my practice am I the same, better or worse?”  Once you find the answer you can adjust your practice accordingly.